On midnight cravings and why space will fuck you up

I met my first astronaut on Friday. It was a bizarre experience. I won't mention his name--it may come and bite me in the ass later on--but just rest assured that he's psycho. The man seemed to think that the area around Kennedy Space Center was GORGEOUS. I felt like standing up and yelling at him "IT'S ALL THE SAME SHADE OF GREEN!!! WHERE'S THE WATER?! WHERE ARE THE FLOWERS?! IT ISN'T PRETTY!!" [I feel similarly whenever people think the West is pretty. I've never been so unimpressed by landscaping in my life.]

He also is very fond of palms. He grows them, for commercial sale. And "his" favorite palm is the flame-thrower palm. Which is pretty much just a regular palm tree with a random red frond. it's bizarre. And really not all that gorgeous. But, ok, if you say so Mr. Astronaut, sir. Make sure you change your diaper before you land back on earth.

This weekend, I also learned that I am overly fond of books. In ten minutes at Books-A-Million I bought six books. Without intending to do so. And I only looked at a single shelf. I have a problem. *hangs head in shame*

Tonight was fun. Even if a bit... Well. Early, lol, mostly. Yes, very early. I'm sad I missed Stephen's party :( But I have my favorite line for the week, and it's thanks to Virginia:

Me: As long as he's packing a stretch limousine!
Mashka: *laughs and says something about how awful I am*
Virginia: Mashka, I don't know why you're laughing, you're a gold digger, too!
Me: Virginia... I wasn't talking about a real limousine.
Virginia: Oh.

Priceless, lol.

Incredibly enough, I popped a couple cherries this week. Last night, I went to Sonic for the first time ever with Allen. Toooooooooooo bad the system was down and we had to wait like two hours for our meal and ended up driving to another one. However, I now found something that totally kicks Starbucks' ass.

My other cherry was my Whole Foods Market cherry. And, like, wow, that was a pleasure to pop. I can't wait to go back. Wtf. That isn't a supermarket--IT'S A DISNEY ATTRACTION FOR YOUR FOOD!

In summation, I love Virginia. She's awesome. I can eat total crap with her. We've had many firsts (my favorite, I think, being our first dance party. I still remember what I wore. It was SO lame. Idk what I was thinking. But I quickly learned that tight was the way to go, lol). I love you, I do.

In happier news: It's New Years Eve later today. My goal: to be completely unable to crawl out of bed tomorrow, lol. L'Chayim!!!!!!! <3

But that's all for now.

Thanks for reading!

And I JIZZED in my pants

You won't understand this post if you haven't seen this. So watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4

Well. Went to friggin' Homestead this morning (at the ass crack of dawn) with Elise, Evan, and Felisha. Patty was SUPPOSED to come, but she ditched us for a hotter crowd. This made me reverse jizz, since I love Patty. And she should've come (no pun intended).

First of all, if I'd ever had an orgasm in my mouth (ha ha, Evan), it was with that fucktastic pineapple shake I had. I'll be going back there veeeeeeeeeeeery soon. What time do they open? Geez. I'm still not over it. Like, I think it was better than the cinnamon buns.

Also, it's quite an experience driving down there. There was, for one, that pink house that we called the sex house or whatever, which was being painted white on the way back, lol. This tickled me. Immensely. I guess they finally realized that it was this horrific shade of pink.

I won't bore you with the details. But a few minutes later (after having almost forgotting Felisha, driving through downtown Homestead, and seeing more Mexicans and Ghexicans than I needed to), we're at Feli's house indulging in the sweet goodness of Amish cinnamon buns and "A Piece of Heaven." [FYI, Feli, your mom's freaking hilarious.]

Just a fun day all around. :) Though I think the highlight of EVERYONE'S day was when I slapped Elise's behind.

Hmm. Someone's been practicing. ;)

Thanks for reading. And be jealous of my sticky, sweet buns.

On why I shouldn't have my license...

So, I'd like to tell you why I shouldn't be allowed my license. [Mind you, I'd still drive anyway, so I guess it might as well be legal, eh?]

I was driving home from Cristy's tonight, jamming out to "Billy Brown" when I decided to close my eyes. No one was on the road and I wondered if I could still stay in my lane if I closed my eyes.

I can't.

I opened my eyes after five seconds and was surprised to find a pole almost in front of me. Whoops. Not trying that again.

So yeah. Whoops. Lol.

In other news, I nearly got eaten by a CBS news van today on the 836. And it was their fault, thanks. Bastards.

And now, to be completely melodramatic and what not, I'm going to paste some song lyrics here that I really, truly love. I blame Cristy. She got the song stuck in my head.

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Check it out. It's an awesome song.

Thanks for reading.

On the fact I really like my new Vroom Vroom too much

I do.

I really, truly do.

What do I like about it exactly?

1. It doesn't leak.
2. All the locks lock.
3. The horn works
4. The seats aren't coming apart.
5. I fit anywhere.
6. All the seatbelts are functioning.
7. It isn't falling apart inside.
8. Carrying jumper cables isn't a necessity, it's a precaution.
9. It's a cute little blue color.
10. It doesn't smell funny (according to Cristy's nose, anyway).
11. IT GETS LIKE 26 MPG IN THE CITY!

So, I've really taken advantage of #11. Saturday night I drove 83 miles to nowhere. Tonight I drove to the Publix on Miami Gardens Drive and 87th then to Main Street. Just hung out. Because I can. And because I was hyper because I got my grades for this semester and life is gooooooood. :) lol

I also went a little creeper and went to FCS at night, just because. Everything was locked up. But a light in the little building where Meestah P's room is in was on. Bizarre.

Tonight, I reconnected with Josh. I love him. *sigh* Voice of an angel. If only he knew how much I loved him.... (Ok. Not really. But his voice IS amazing.)

Watching: "Charlie Bartlett"

Thanks for reading.

I love Renata

So, we came up with a list of possible outcomes if one was to jump someone's bones. I find it quite humorous.

1. i jump him, he jumps me back, we live happily ever after.
2. i jump him, he is repulsed, curses me to the devil
3. i jump him, he jumps me back, we date for awhile, it ends (poorly or fine)
4. i jump him, he jumps me back, nothing ever comes to fruition.
5. i jump him, he jumps me back, I'M repulsed by him
6. i do nothing, he jumps me, i jump him back.
7. i do nothing, he does nothing.
8. we jump each other at the same time like in those movies

My advice?? I think everyone should jump at least one person in their life :) If only to say that they did it, lol.

Thanks for reading. <3

On "Garden State"

I haven't even finished it.

And I think this movie is epic. Lol. Did you hate it, Elise? I seem to remember you saying you did. I thought I was going to DIE when the Seeing dog started humping Andrew's leg. Like, ohmygosh. "Here comes the lipstick..." *still laughing* I know that only too well. Or I did. Papito has, since Clarice, lost his lipstick.

However, I still don't like Natalie Portman as an actress, outside of Star Wars. The reason for this is beyond me. I really do not know. Also, I wish Zach Braff had a chin. *Sigh.* Alas, 'tis not meant to be for Mr. Braff.

[In a side note, whilst I wait for three minutes to pass, I really, really hate Megavideo and their fucking time limits and whatever. Like, wow. I hope they rot in their sleep, whoever decided that.]

I didn't really get it at the beginning. And I was sort of like, "Wow. I'm so not going to finish this awful thing." And then he got to the house with the X and the Spin-the-Bottle. And, of course, Miss Portman walked in. I really do wish they'd chosen different actors. At least for Braff's part.

[I'm going to go check now if "three minutes" have passed.] [Nope, "one minute." Ugh, seriously? You're going to make me wait for ONE LOUSY MINUTE?! How unfair of you, Megavideo. I CURSE YOU!!! *waves fist in the air, in a Cris-like fashion*]

Well, it's working now. While I wait for it to load, I'm going to vent about my mother, who can't sleep unless I'm home. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I'M LIKE A PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME! (Ok. Not really. I realize I've got it pretty good, I do. But she makes me feel so awful whenever I stay out past her bed time {9 pm}! Geez! I'm going to feel so friggin' guilty when I finally get married and move out of this house {not necessarily in that order}. I know she has no one else to obsess over. But is it fair? Really?)

This movie triggered in me my desire to ride a motorcycle again. Someone dissuade me, please? I need dissuading. Because once I get on one of those things, I'll never get off.

That kiss on top of the tractor made me fuzzy inside. :) Yay for fuzzy feelings.

OH HELL NO!!!! NO SEX SCENE!!!! AW, COME OOOOOOOOON!

So. I really, really love this film. And, like, WOW. I totally, totally have to buy it. ASAP.

Thank you for reading.

So: Go have an "original" moment. :-D

So, I'm having a "Hatchet" moment...

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, I read a book called "Hatchet" for my 8th grade English class (*automatically recites: "A random act of kindness brings beauty to the world."). I remember, I had put off reading the damn thing all summer until my birthday. Yes, that's how I spent my birthday that year. But anyway, "Hatchet" was one of the few books that we ever read that was more geared towards the mind of a young man than that of a young woman. Not that I think the few guys in our class enjoyed it any more than I did, mind you.

So, long story short, I read this awful book about this guy's little plane going down in the middle of BFE and whatever and surviving by himself with just a hatchet. Dumb. I know. [It was because of this book, and others like it, that I think all Newberry Award winning books suck harder than an 8th street prostitute.]

In one part of the book, he wonders if he's going crazy. Then comes to the conclusion that he is not because people who are going crazy don't know they are.

Besides the obvious fallacies in his statement, it was a pretty interesting idea to me, at a tender 14.

At times I wonder if I'm going crazy. (I kid. Sort of. I know I'm not. Not any more than any other writer--we're all super schizo.) But I think I just enjoy the idea of being crazy. Let me explain.

I wrote a skit at the start of senior year for Safreed's class about Nurse Mercy, who would go around euthanizing people. I played the schizophrenic (for a number of reasons. Mostly, I didn't trust anyone else to play the part correctly. I find that I have trust issues when it comes to group projects. The Honors College furthered my distrust, lol). It's a little bit eerie just how easy it was for me to do this. Mind you, I've had some practice--goodness knows just what my brother has. All I was really doing was imitating some of his movements. Lol. (Yes, I find that somewhat amusing.)

Skip forward a year and a half, and we're here, today, watching "Hannibal" (because Allen keeps badgering me about the sad amounts of movies I've seen--or at least in his opinion. His list is lacking a few very important ones). Hannibal the Cannibal is one of my favorite villains (probably because of Anthony Hopkins. I really do adore that old man. He's looking like shit lately, though). As far as villains go, he's a sweetheart. A gentleman, very intelligent, always well-dressed. There's just that whole cannibalism thing....

Which brings me to the point of this pointless post: I very, very much want to act a crazy/evil person in a movie. Very badly. They're always the most fun to play.

A very interesting question...

So, I was talking to Michael today via email, as we usually do. And he mentioned, as he usually does, the SNL episode he saw Saturday night (because he still actually watches. I gave up on SNL after Jimmy Fallon left, though it started getting weak after Chris Kattan left. MANGO!) and he mentioned that it was Amy Poehler's last show as a full-time actor. I'd already seen her send off thanks to perezhilton.com (the only news I ever watch/read). So I asked him why he thought she'd left.

His exact answer? "Well, a child just popped out of her vagina so I think that has something to do with her leaving....plus, I heard NBC is giving her a show like they did for Tina."

After my chuckling and some banter back and forth, and somehow we also touched upon the fact that he hasn't been popping anything out of his vagina (or lack thereof), he asked me what I'd do if I got pregnant. Well, more specifically, who would be the first person I would tell. And me, being me, asked what the situation was. Would I be in a relationship? Married? Expected pregnancy?

And Michael, being Michael, responded with the most dramatic hypothetical situation (well, not the MOST dramatic, but it's pretty up there): A one night stand.

First, I had to have a good laugh because that would mean I was getting laid. So:

What the FUCK would I do? Geez. Like, I can't even wrap my head around what I would do. Or how to tell my family--especially my grandparents. It's funny, because I was actually thinking about this the other day, and telling Abi. I'm not sure he would speak to me for awhile. I mean, I'm the "good" grandchild (a private little laugh at this. What he doesn't know won't hurt him). How could I look him or Beba (or my Dad ohmygoshI'vejuststartedhyperventilatingnotreally) in the face?

And how exactly would I tell my mother? I mean, yeah, sure, I joke around with her in really awful ways sometimes (i.e.: "What am I doing? Having hot, raunchy sex with a big black man with a huge penis.") but how to sit her down and tell her that?

I came to the conclusion that I would sob hysterically for a few days--max a week--and then get over it and probably get really, really excited. I love babies. I want a baby, very badly. Badly in a very bad way. Not ideal, but hey, life is life, eh?

And would it be awful that I wouldn't tell the father? (Unless my so-called one night stand was a friend of mine who I trusted. But then it begs the question of how horny/drunk/stupid I was to actually do that. That isn't me at all. So this hypothetical situation sucks anyway, because I'm not the one-night stand type in the least.)

That is all. And, as for the obvious question in anyone's mind who attended FCS: Yeah, I would think about an abortion. But I would never go through with it (or maybe I would? I can't really make the decision--I'm clearly not pregnant). There are worse things in life than having a baby at the "wrong" time.

I.E.: Starving because I won't ever make any money in the career I want to go into. Oh, wait, that's right. I don't know what career I want to go into.

In sadder news: Tonight was the season finale of Dexter. :'( And I missed it. I'll have to see it tomorrow. Why do shows have seasons? It's completely unfair.